Part 2... Kiss the wave

Welcome back friends! Just as promised, here is part 2 of my story (our story...God's story), He sees me. This part is written by my friend, Angie and is from her perspective of the years, months, and weeks leading up to the night I landed in her living room surrounded by strangers and yelling at God. 

Our stories are so similar in so many ways. It seems that every time we talk, we find yet another way our lives are intertwined, or He gives us another piece that continues to draw us to closer to one another and more importantly, to Him.   I am so thankful for the Lord bringing us together. We can't wait to see what God continues to do through the story He has given us. We will wrap things up in part 3 soon... we don't want you to miss any of the little details that are there. But for now, here is her beautiful story...

My name is Angie and this is part two. 

So I’m trying to find a starting point and the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s important for you to know the beginning so that you can see the beauty of part two. I have been married to Rob for 12 years and have three beautiful children. Rob has served as a youth pastor/children’s leader for all 12 years in some capacity. Two years ago I was reborn- brought to life- called out of the grave- redeemed to new life in Christ. I often tell people this and I get a strange look followed by... “ Aren’t you married to a youth pastor? How could you not have been saved this whole time?” Truth is I thought I was. I went to church, served in the women’s ministry and supported and loved my family with what I thought was godly living. But while I said the sinners prayer early on, I never had life transformation. 

One night in December of 2016 I bent down to pick up a toy and went to the floor in pain. March 2017 I went part time working as a hygienist and June 2017 I ended up going to the ER after losing feeling in both legs. After an MRI that showed I was completely fine they sent me home. All I could do was lay on my back. Too much pain to be a mother, too much pain to be a wife... and then I lost my job. I had it all stripped away, and I remember crying out to Jesus to heal me, and in a moment the scales fell from my eyes and I saw myself a sinner in need of a Savior. It was the very first time I saw that it was my cross to bear and He took it on Himself in my place. After that I spent hours in the Word- I had never had a love for His word like this. I craved it like food! Soon I realized I could recall everything I read. People would ask questions about the Bible and I could quickly tell them the story and where it was located. I retained it all. Which is a surprise considering I forget what I need from the store and come home with everything but what I went to get. The more God showed me the worse my pain got. I just knew He used this pain to save me, but why hadn’t He taken it away yet? “God I'm yours now- you can take the pain away- I understand why you did this.” But it was silent. I read more, prayed more... still silent. I served and shared the gospel- saw my own friends come to Christ... and yet He was still silent on my questions about why my pain remained. 

Fast forward to six months ago. I was tired. I was doubtful. I was angry. I slowly felt myself fall into depression. Some nights the pain was so bad that I would wail.. loudly.. and my kids would come running only to see my eyes swollen from all the tears. They had seen a mother that couldn’t do what others moms could. I wasn’t able to play outside or go on walks through the park. 

One night back in May I was crying so hard that Rob came to check on me and I just confessed to him that I no longer wanted to live in pain. I wanted to be free and he knew Immediately that I was in a dark place. What if I wasn’t here? Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they didn’t have to see me like this? Rob prayed over me and I fell asleep. 

During this time Rob and I had been attending prayer meetings. We initially started it back in January 2019 with the thought that we wanted to see Gods people come together to pray..

Not a Bible study, but just an hour of prayer. We decided to host the June 7th one in our home and two weeks prior to that prayer meeting I was getting ready for bed, when I had this random thought.. “ The spirit of suicide is coming to your house.” I honestly didn’t know what to think at first. Then two nights later I knew it was the Holy Spirit speaking. This time it was more clear. “The spirit of suicide is coming to your house soon- pray against it”. So after telling Rob, I began to pray against it. 

Friday the 7th had finally come and a few hours before it started I was scrolling through FB when I saw a post from Crystie, a girl I had met once 5 years ago. And the Holy Spirit clearly told me to invite her. Honestly, I was reluctant at first. She didn’t know me and I wasn’t sure she'd come since I was inviting her at the last minute. After the first message she replied and I thought, 'yeah I figured it was too late', but in true Holy Spirit fashion He kept pressing me to message her again. I’ll be honest, when she walked in my door I was shocked! I promised her a soft seat and she sat down and I prayed- Lord thank you for bringing her here. I had no idea that an hour into reading and worshiping that the Lord would call me yet again to lay hands on her. I felt it in my spirit that He wanted me to pray over her. So I walked over- laid my hand on her knee and began to pray - to this day I don’t remember the words that left my mouth. She would later tell me that I prayed the exact words that she was praying to Him except it was against Him. “God wants me to tell you that He sees you and He loves you” .. the rest is forgotten, but not by Him. 

She waited until it was over to approach me and when she shared her struggle and how she had planned to take her life that night, I felt this ache in my heart for her. Our story has been woven together by a Sovereign God who sees His people and loves them with an everlasting love!  And yet the story continues- just today the Holy Spirit spoke again- walk further child... walk further until the waves are crashing on you and your feet begin to sink in the sand. The harder they hit the deeper your feet will sink. Our friendship quote goes like this... “I’ve learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages”. Thank you Lord for tall waves and the sand that surrounds my feet and calls me deeper into His hands!

Much love,

Angie